“I find that if things are two things at once, the bigger they are, the worse they are. Like, if your phone is a camera, that’s cool. If your bed is a couch, that’s shitty. If your pen is a laser, you’re James Bond. If your house is a car, you’re homeless.”—Seth Meyers (via cyborglovesong) (via fuckyeahsethmeyers)
SAT scores aren’t everything. But they can tell some fascinating stories.
Take 1,623, for instance. That’s the average score of Asian-Americans, a group that Daniel Golden - editor at large of Bloomberg News and author of “The Price of Admission’’ - has labeled “The New Jews.’’ After all, much…
A few years ago, a mother and father decided they needed a break, so they wanted to head out for a night on the town. They called their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrived, the two children were already fast asleep in bed. So the babysitter just got to sit around and make sure everything was okay with the children. Later that night, the babysitter got bored and went to watch TV, but she couldn’t watch it downstairs because they did not have cable downstairs (the parents didn’t want children watching too much garbage).
So, she called them and asked them if she could watch cable in the parent’s room. Of course, the parents said it was okay, but the babysitter had one final request… she asked if she could cover up the David Bowie statue outside the bedroom window with a blanket or cloth, at the very least close the blinds, because it made her nervous. The phone line was silent for a moment, and the father who was talking to the babysitter at the time said, “Take the children and get out of the house… we will call the police. We do not have a David Bowie statue.”
All of a sudden an electric guitar cut through the air. “KEEP YOUR ‘LECTRIC EYES ON ME BABE!” howled a voice from outside. The babysitter dropped the phone and ran to the window. “David Fucking Bowie!” she screamed, watching the statue as it came to life, shredding chords on its electric guitar. “Put your ray gun to my heeeeeead!” The babysitter ran the children outside where they watched an impromptu Bowie concert that was so awesome that afterwards the children had sweet dreams forever more and the babysitter was given a bonus for her efforts.